Perhaps

Perhaps when I am old
I won't be able to tell how old I am
So you might help me recall
The summers in the sun and the autumns in the breeze
That we spent together
You
So you of pearls and melted brown sugar
Fragile child's heart I have loved before I met
Breakwater splashed by waves and time
Who's broken me like no one
Scattered me across the floor

Inspecting me as a bee would a flower
As a hummingbird

Perhaps when I am old
I will finally feel the way I have always felt
Worn out
Too far from a fledgeling
Too distant from the redwoods
Fearing the names in the dark
Whispers of the cascading past
Stubborn of the future
Future lights, future beds
With no names on my skin
No names to remember
Rapacious of my loved ones
While I long for the cigarettes I missed

Perhaps today
Perhaps today you will forget
Forgive me and forget me
See my sin in you
As brown tooth
Aching from rock in the flour
And I
I will walk carelessly to the sand
Write my name in it
Watch it wash away
I ponder, I shudder
Take a picture or two
To wash them away next time you act like you don't